October 5, 2009 by admin
Filed under Contemporary Romance, Looking for Home, Nan Donahue
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M found herself struck by the need to laugh and cry at once. Laugh at the fierceness with which this little girl tried to defend her big brother—okay, and the fact the letter L seemed to be missing from Alicia’s own personal alphabet. And cry because this is what it should be like. This is what she’d been missing in her life. The love, the loyalty, the protection of family.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. You’re right, I shouldn’t yell. Sometimes grown ups forget the very things they try to teach kids. Kinda crazy, isn’t it?”
“Uh huh. Daddy and Jonny awways to’d me I’m not ‘upposed to yewh at peopoh, but sometimes they did it.”
“How about we all make a promise, okay? We’ll all try hard not to yell at each other, and…,” M skewered Jonathan with a look, “We will try hard not to do are say things that makes somebody want to yell. Does that sound fair?”
Jonathan, who’d been watching the exchange in silence, finally spoke. “I think that sounds like a good idea, don’t you, kiddo?”
Now free of the pony, she skipped over to Jonathan. “Uh huh. Nobody can yewh.” She cast a stern look at M. “If you do, Jonny gets to give you a spanking.”
Oh honey, why? Why did you have to paint such a picture in my mind?
M silently cursed her fair skin as she felt heat rise in her cheeks and knew it would be impossible for him to miss.
And like a fool, instead of turning away from him, she looked up at him.
And the heat spread.
Damn it, she didn’t even like him, and knew that even if he trusted her with his sister, he found her wanting in other ways.
Yet the innocent remark of a child stoked something in both of them. The fire in his eyes left no doubt. She wasn’t the only feeling this sudden breathless intensity.
For a moment, everything else faded away, and they were just two people lost in each other’s eyes, sharing a dialogue where words were redundant. Asking questions, avoiding answers, until both of them had to look away to escape being sucked into something they both knew they shunned on the cognitive level.
His cell phone rang.
Thank God. A distraction.
He looked at his call display, and sighed. “I’m sorry, I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, but I’m going to have to take this call, and it could be a while. Can you two amuse each other for the time being?”
M looked at Alicia. “Whadya say, partner? Shall we go find an ice cream cone?”
Alicia looked at her brother.
Jonathan squatted down. “It’s okay. You go with Em, and when you come back I’ll be waiting on that bench over there, okay?”
She looked at the bench, looked at M, then back at her brother. “For reow?”
He nodded. “For real. I’ll be here.”
“’Kay.”
M found herself surprised—and something else she couldn’t name—when Alicia took the hand she offered.
They set off together, both silent, both seemingly content in their silence.
The fact that Alicia seemed to be thawing towards her relieved her more than she cared to admit. The frozen treatment would have made life difficult. Not to mention Jonathan could very well have decided to axe the deal if Alicia didn’t like her.
They were eating their soft ice cream cones, on their way back to Jonathan, when Alicia stumbled and lost hold of her treat.
Cold ice cream landed on M’s foot, and she gasped at the shock.
Alicia froze. Then she hunched her shoulders and backed up a step. “I’m sorry. It was an accident.”
Huge brown eyes stared up at M. “Are you going to hit me?”
Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God. No, no, no.
She’d been afraid of this.
M closed her eyes, threw out a brief, but desperate prayer, begging for the guidance to deal with this.
She opened her eyes and looked at Alicia. “No, I am not going to hit you. Not now, not ever.”
She tried to grin when what she wanted to do was scream.
“But you know, sweetie, this is cold and sticky. And it’s oozing between my toes, and feels yucky. Could you help me wash it off?”
Alicia treated her to the same contemplative look she’d given her earlier. “You promise you won’t hit me?”
M crossed her heart. “Cross my heart.”
Another moment of silence, then, “’Kay.”
Once in the washroom, M sat Alicia up on the counter. “Tell you what. I’m going to take my shoe off, then stick my foot in the sink. Can you wash it off for me?”
“’Kay.”
She kept Alicia up on the counter once her foot was shod and back on the floor. “Alicia, I want to talk to you for a minute, and I want you to be honest with me, okay?”
A nod.
M swallowed. Hard. “Did Summer hit you?”
No answer.
“Alicia?”
“Wioh you be mad at me?”
“No. I’ll be mad at Summer, not you. Did she ever hit you?”
A nod.
Oh God. When will it end? She’d promised herself that she’d never again apologize for her family, and how many times had she wanted—needed—to in the last few days?
She gently cupped Alicia’s cheeks and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Summer should never have hit you. Didn’t you tell your daddy or Jonny about it?”
Alicia slowly swung her head from side to side. “She said she’d hit me more if I to’d them. She said she’d hurt Daddy too.”
Her chin dropped to her chest and M had to strain to hear the rest of her words. “I never to’d no one, but she hurt Daddy anyway.”
I am not the product of my environment. I am not the product of my environment. Even if Summer was, I am not!
“I promised I’d never hit you. Will you promise me something?”
“What?”
She picked Alicia up, intending to set her on the floor, but instead held her, hugged her. “I want you to promise not to keep secrets from Jonny. If someone hurts you, or makes you scared, promise me you’ll run as fast as you can and tell Jonny. Even if someone says something bad will happen, okay?”
“Even if it’s you?”
M squeezed her eyes, desperately trying to contain her tears. “Yes. Even if it’s me.”
“’Kay.”
The tears leaked through when she felt small arms wrap around her neck.
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Thanks to Nan Donahue for sharing one of her manuscripts.
